Goodbye

Here we are at the end of one of my favourite chapters of high school. One of the final chapters, as the book is nearly finished. I love to rant about flipping my hair at all of high school and walking out the doors without a second glance, but I’m feeling nostalgic. Propel has brought me so much growth and I will be sad to bid it adieu. I have discovered two things in particular here. No passion compares to that of self-expression, and the friends you make in Propel are unique to any other friendship. A year after my first semester, I still keep in contact and seek feedback from the people I was in Propel with.

When my project is complete I will have created four pieces of art on closet doors. My love for fashion drove me to pursue a project designing clothing, but with a unique spin on the presentation of my ideas. I worked to have deep meaning and representation in my designs. Instead of sewing these designs into physical looks I am making large scale vision boards illustrating the inspiration and background of the looks. This gave me the opportunity to experiment and work with a range of artistic mediums from sketching to woodworking.

I am creating a collection ‘Alley Dancer,’ which contains four looks, Existential Survivor, Rebellious Intellectual, Veiled Romantic, and Desperate Optimist. The doors and the elements they contain all relate to the message, “finding beauty and windows of happiness in negative situations.” Each door has an individual story that relates to an area of my life.

This project is giving me the opportunity to improve my art and express myself in a way that is outside the box. I cannot think of a better way to spend this semester. I am so thankful for how much Propel has helped me, both as an artist and a person.

I have no words.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Express Yourself

Struggling, tripping, falling downstairs. Climbing up again just to be confronted by the only person you really didn’t want to see that day. Jogging away to the bathroom where you hit your head on the door, you cuss, swinging your arm down beside you… you punch the toilet paper dispenser and it crashes to the floor. The last straw. You break into tears.

This is a bad day, nothing is going right. You get that empty pit deep inside you, it is the void of positivity. You know that nothing will go right because today the world is against you. We have all had a bad day. I had a bad day on the Monday of our second week here in Propel. I had one again on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I eventually realized that I wasn’t just having bad days… that pit was not going away; in fact, it was growing deeper.

I soon discovered that I was in the middle of one of the low points in life. The cluster of days that seem to last forever while simultaneously slipping by too fast to accomplish anything. I recognized the feeling. Usually, I slink back into my bed and hide for days, give up on the world completely. This time I was going to face it differently. I pushed myself up, step by step, moment by moment. I told how I was feeling to those around me through personal conversations. I sought professional help. I fought the dread welling up inside of me with every fiber of my being.

Then… I tried something more extreme.

Every student was instructed to give a “Time to Teach” presentation to the class. I stood in front of the room and gave the most difficult speech I’ve ever given, starting with the words “I’m not okay.” Those 13 minutes gave me a feeling of purpose that I’d never experienced before. Seeing and hearing the effect of those words on those around me was truly a magical moment that I am humbled to have experienced. Seeing my public speaking abilities and the way I view the world pair together was an incredible thing that I’ve unknowingly worked towards for years. Unfortunately, this victory was not the happily ever after. It was simply another checkpoint, teaching me a lesson and sending me on my way. I learned that the purpose I am searching for in life may be found by helping people through relating to them.

One of the strongest ways I relate to people is through my art. The project I am working on in Propel is finalized. I will be expressing the inspiration behind fashion looks I’ve created, with doors as my canvases. There are four looks in the collection so there will be four doors covered in art and meaning. I hope to capture some level of relatable meaning with my work.

I wish I could say that things are looking up. However, they seem to keep slipping away out of my grasp. The Propel environment has provided the support and flexibility for me to pursue healing. I am eternally grateful to my kind classmates and teachers. Moving out of Propel, I will search for loving people to support me on this journey in life. I will never forget the feeling that that speech brought to me and I will aim to find that level of meaning in my everyday life. The most impactful point of growth that I learned this semester is to express yourself. 

Self-expression can help release emotion or allow you to connect and share with others.

Express yourself, express yourself, express yourself!

Who’s there? Fashion

101 Knock-knock Jokes to Tell Your Friends. I remember checking out this book from the library at my elementary school. Eager to flip through and learn jokes to impress my friends. A common format, 101 Things… a fun way to gather information in 101 little digestible points. Naturally, when my teachers suggested that I read 101 Things I Learned in Fashion School (Alfred Cabrera with Matthew Frederick), it caught my attention. I grabbed the book before it even became an assignment (which admittedly made it less fun), and I started to read and snap pictures.

Here are a few pages that really stood out to me as useful for my project:

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I love this hypothesis! I’m not sure if you’ve heard comments about judging a person by their shoes. The dirt stuck to them, the holes that imply age, hard work. Perhaps the opposite, clean white expensive shoes that have failed to embrace nature. This page was a new look at an old thing. This is what I want my project to convey, a new perspective of an old thing. I want to capture the care and strength in old styles and pull showcase them in new items. In addition to that, the perception choice regarding hair and hats is one that I will now deliberately make.

 

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I only stared my journey of illustrating fashion figures this month. Using my limited knowledge, I’ve been hesitant to design the collection I’m working on here in Propel, so I was thirsty for tips. This page calmed me as it mostly says things that you shouldn’t over-do. Doing less work is more. I will continue to develop my ability to sketch proportions but I won’t waste my limited time playing with light, shadows or other components that will ultimately be insignificant. My new knowledge should allow me to go through more iterations of feedback and re-crafting resulting in a better final product.

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This page, outlining the specific measurement requirements within the fashion industry, comments on the specific nature itself. This page is the most applicable to my project, as one of my main goals is to challenge the norms of the fashion industry specifically regarding “standard” body types. The classic “know the rules before you break the rules” is incredibly relevant and this page is one of the sources that I will record that taught me the rules as they are today.

101 things has always been a helpful way for me to take in information. In case you didn’t find meaning in any of my fashion connections, here’s one everyone can take into life and use.

 

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Moo

Moo, who?

Are you an owl or a cow? Make up your mind!

 

Left Might be Right

“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.”

-Walt Disney

This year was going to be different. After failing to prove my concept last year I was determined to achieve greatness this time. I shot through my tasks like a bullet, focused, direct, fast. I had to complete the assigned tasks by the end of two weeks, and there was no other option in my mind… I had to succeed.

I pursued an exploration of the world of fashion and design. I helped with a junior high sewing class for three separate afternoons and reflected on my experience to see if I would enjoy a career as a sewing teacher. There were a few hiccups. The boy who sewed his project to the hoodie he was wearing, or the kid who cut a hole in the pants he had on, or the countless time that I would look over and see the iron sitting on its face with no one anywhere near it. I would embrace these issues before I ever dreamed of sitting in a board room discussing finances or something else equally unthinkably terrible. I can really see myself being a sewing teacher someday.  

I interviewed a young person, Gavin, about his choices surrounding clothing to gain inspiration and insight. I prepared questions and learned about what he chooses to wear and why. I reviewed the notes I scrawled and edited together a few of his most impactful sentences. I chose a photo I took of him during the mini photoshoot and after a bit of editing, I posted it online. I found this piece enjoyable, I’m always up for a good chat to learn about a person’s thinking, however, I will change this piece to deal directly with something I create or remove it from my project entirely. 

Primarily, I designed an original item. I decided to make an oversized button-up shirt. I had never made a shirt with a collar, buttonholes, that type of hemming, or, most importantly, made a pattern. Thanks to my good friend Charlotte I have pictures that show the piece at its finest. There is a minimum of ten things that I dislike about what I made. Additionally, sharing and wearing something so personal is difficult for me any day but was made worse by all these little things. Alas, I shared anyways, and the feedback was positive. 

 

I am satisfied with the result! Completing my tasks ahead of schedule is a feeling I enjoyed and want to feel again. I found myself pulling inspiration from the “Creativity Inc.” article we read by Edwin Catmull. I focussed on going straight into work and testing the waters before overthinking and developing an idea beyond a point of no return.

It’s back to the increasingly cluttered drawing board. Honestly, I am unsure about many areas of my projects. This piece went well, but so much will change in the next few weeks. The key might be in attacking the tasks without overplanning them, just getting things done. As my teachers are helping me realize, I will never be completely satisfied with a project. Even when I go the right way, I’ll wish I went left. 

 

My Creative Kleptomania

You know that original idea you had? That piece you designed? That storyline that you invented? They were all stolen. Austin Kleon’s Ted Talk “Steal Like an Artist” brings to light the meaning of creativity. In the talk, he discusses the history of different art forms and through examples, proves that no idea is completely original. Each piece steals from those that came before it. Creativity is combining old, already existing ideas to create a new mash-up. Artists are collectors, taking in inspiration to use later.

For me, this talk highlighted two things:

Creativity doesn’t require originality.
I have a deep need to express myself. Art is the reason I wake up in the morning, why I take each breath. The beauty in the world and the belief that something greater is yet to come are my sustenance. For this reason, I initially disliked this Ted Talk because it felt bleak to believe that nothing is ever completely original. However, I surpassed this looming theme when I realized that while pieces aren’t original, they can still be incredibly unique, creative, and beautiful.

Steal ideas from the world around you.
The beauty in the world inspires me, especially through humanity. All my art is a direct reflection of this. I have already been stealing like an artist. My goal moving forward is to do so consciously, see the idea, remember it, and use it. I urge you to try the same.

 

It has been a few days since I learned this method and it has already been improving my creative endeavors. I am currently designing an oversized button-down shirt; the collar and pattern I stole from a shirt I viewed online and the rest from one I bought second hand. I have found myself more willing to act the same way others before me have, knowing it will work; I used to enter uncharted territory trying to do things “my way”. On top of what I discovered and applied immediately, I also have begun to create folders and a notebook in which I will collect ideas to mesh into my later projects.

 

Had you asked me days ago, I would be shooting down the premise of this Ted Talk, but here I sit, writing to you about how much learned from it. If the video intrigues you, take a few minutes to watch it. I hope you can find as much wisdom in this as I did. Good luck with all of your creative endeavors!

Artists: a portal through which the world is understood.

End with the Beginning in Mind

In the beginning, I created ten project ideas.
And these were without form, and I was unsure where I was going. And my train of thought moved like a bug upon glue.
And I said, let there be an idea: and there was an idea.
And I saw the idea, that it was good: and I divided the idea from the confusion.

I’m not trying to say that the creation of my project was anything like God creating the Earth. I’m simply recollecting on the origins of my project and I seem to naturally disregard the problems I faced. Nothing about Propel has been what I expected and maybe that’s for the best. I’ve trained myself to work past struggles that I never anticipated.

My project could be seen as a ‘struggle because’, but I’d prefer to see it as a ‘success despite’. I have unfortunately failed to meet my personal goals, this would usually bring my confidence down. However, when I reflect upon all that I have done, this is a minor problem. In the end, my project will be primarily a concept. My card game, Actually… will be completely developed and playable. I will have two sets of cards, my instruction manual, and a plan for graphic design. This isn’t a lot of product but it was a lot of work. It will be playable and fulfill my major goal, to have a solid game concept.

Recently, we have put together a brief description of my project. Click the link to see a concise overview of what I’ve been doing.

The final presentations at Nelson McIntyre Collegiate are coming up and if you want to hear more about my process, project and the projects my classmates have done you should attend.

I may be signing off on my blog, but my project will live on. I have had so much fun working on this game that I can’t leave it at the door of Propel. I will be attempting to complete the base elements of my game so I can launch my own personal project marketing and selling the game throughout 2019.

Thank you for reading my updates, putting up with my subtle jokes, and my far-out metaphors. I have enjoyed keeping you updated on my journey through Propel. Have a lovely break and a joyous holiday. I look forward to seeing some of you in the New Year!

Chew Before You Swallow

I’ve been given the same advice too often, “Don’t bite off more than you can chew.” I was being careful, working in small amounts, and then I did the exact thing I was told to avoid. I chocked on a mouthful of dry Cheerios. In retrospect, this literal example was just an ironic coincidence. My actual project is less about how much I bit off and more about how I need to ‘chew’ or process each piece before I swallow.

Thank goodness for the mildly stressful, but ultimately helpful, tools of organisation I’ve been provided with. If you want this looped in with the metaphor, these tools are the teeth that help me bite off and chew my work. The most recent is a Gantt chart. If you don’t know, a Gantt chart is simply a chart that schedules tasks and their level of completion. The Gantt chart I am using to organise my project is the timeline below.

My timeline has aided my focus immensely. The title, “Actually…” is not a bad joke, but the title of the game I am creating. The yellowish line that drops down is today, the day I’m on. The most important part of the chart is the purple lines. The dark purple sections are what I have completed and the light purple is what I have left to accomplish. The dark purple should reach approximately the yellow line and when the purple line ends, I should be done that task.

You will notice that I am on track. I am ahead on several tasks and behind on a couple which averages out my workload. I have been making a point of accomplishing a task that I can check off daily. This has kept me motivated, on track, and feeling confident. My progress is consistent and I am working at a pace that I can easily maintain for the remainder of the semester. The most frustrating element of the timeline is the tasks that I am ninety percent done but cannot yet check off. That task is currently card production.

In order to do more formal tests I need a polished rough draft of the game. The card production is a tedious process. I am typing, formatting, copying, and saving. It just keeps going on and on and on and on… ugh. I have currently completed 160 of the 200 cards. Once I have finished the cards, I will print the latest draft of my instruction manual and begin card and instruction manual beta testing. This will take up most of my time for the next few weeks.

I am feeling optimistic about my project. I have been seeing improvement in my abilities, such as, how I communicate my ideas. I hope that I can keep using these teeth to bite down my project into chewable pieces. I don’t want a “hard to swallow” final product. So, I will be sure to chew before I swallow. Most importantly, I am eating Cheerios one at a time.

Sunny Skies with a Chance of Colossal Disaster

Have you ever noticed, when people in movies are driving happily, they are likely seconds away from impending doom? You cheer for them to continue safely to their destination… but what kind of story would that be? I don’t need a great story, I need a great project.

My project is moving slowly and surely toward success. I have polished and perfected my project goals, I have been doing purposeful work everyday and I’m feeling quite inspired. I’m finally where I want to be. Now my project is set, I’m making a turn based party game. There are 6 major steps I must climb on the stairway to my final project

  1. The game concept. I have decided on the general ideas surrounding the game. It will require five to nine players, it will revolve around the idea of debate with some big brother twists. I have yet to draft a unique value proposition and an elevator pitch.
  2. The instruction manual will ideally be in a casual voice. I want you to be able to play my game properly after only reading the manual once.
  3. There will be two sets of cards, claim cards and complication cards. I have about half of each set drafted. The cards should be fun but not crazy. Easy to understand but all vastly different. It has proven to be harder than anticipated.
  4. The test runs are my favourite part! Two or three times a week I have a group of classmates test a different portion of the game. This has given me a lot of helpful feedback and new ideas.
  5. The design of the game is also important, what you see when you hold the box, read the instruction and turn over your card.
  6. Printing is the farthest out of my wheelhouse. I need to research the best way to print and format my other components accordingly.

These steps have given me peace in my day to day work and simultaneously applied stress to my semester. I have now set goals, the grey has faded into distinct black and white steps.

My next few weeks are hopefully more of what I have been doing. I am excited to collaborate with one of my classmates on graphic design for my logo. I will continue to run tests and hopefully finalise my instruction manual. This smooth sailing seems a little to good to be true. The forecast for the next few weeks is sunny skies with a chance of colossal disaster.